The end of the school year approaches and with it finals. Lately I've been... tired. I haven't been praying the way I used to. Where is the fervor and the longing after quiet time at the fountain where I could just sit by the water and talk to Him? Why is it that I know what will make me feel better but I do not seek it? Is it the nature of sickness that even when the remedy is in hand you will not take it? I feel like God is silent.. though I know it's me. I'm constantly talking at God and despairing that through my clamor I can't hear Him. Perhaps it is the gears of my own attempts to control this machine of life and love that drowns out the gentle, urging voice of the Lord as He pleads with me, winningly, "take my yoke." When will I have the burning faith that I see in others? The simple solution, of course, is to start trusting God. Though mentally I know that God is capable of all things, most of all my petty problems, I find it a hard thing to commit my knowledge to my faith. A person once theorized that our feelings towards God stem from our first impressions of our parents... I find it exceedingly difficult to trust my Lord when all of those promises of childhood went unfulfilled by my father. When will I trust the Lord and lay aside these childish ways? May today, oh Lord, be the first day.