So I guess I'm not as heartless as I thought I am. As expected, as soon as I began to play Amazing Grace during the offeratory everyone began to cry. My hands were shaking from nervousness but afterwards everyone complimented me on the playing. I did feel something. I did not cry but I certainly felt some kind of pain. When Uncle Murray gave the eulogy along with one of my mom's cousins, I couldn't help but feel that that life that they all shared was somehow not mine and that I was an outsider in this funeral. The Uncle Steven that I had known was in poor health for 20 years but the Steven of their memories was vibrant and young and more lively than anything I could have known of his post kidney transplant body. I'm going out this Monday and I'm really looking forward to a nice relaxing outing after working Saturday and Sunday. Anyways, keep me in your prayers if you're reading this.